Womanly Wisdom from my Aunt Pam

• Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
• A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She has 14 kids but doesn't really care.
• One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain five pounds.
• My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
• The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
• The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.
• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
• Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
• Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
• I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knicker's.
• Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
• Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I forget to eat!" Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
• I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!